Rant

You know what bugs me? Everytime I have a thought to email R. about something, I suddenly am overcome with the feeling that I don't want to. And alot of times I get the thought I don't want to go home to him. Often, when he comes into a room, I'm not happy to see him or annoyed when I do see him. It's this constant negativity about being in contact with him or seeing him that I am battling with these days and I hate it, it scares me. But I know that the thoughts and feelings are repetitive enough that they are just meaningless. I mean, I had that same negativity about him coming home from the movie last night, but after talking to him for awhile, I was fine. And I enjoyed cuddling up to him before we fell asleep. So I know the feelings, no matter how frequent they may be, are temporary. Still, I don't like that the thoughts and feelings happen so frequently. I guess that is just part of living with this disorder.

Sorry...just had to rant.